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Matthew Broderick had it easy Being engaged is harder than I thought it would be. I don't mean that the planning is too stressful for me; most of it has actually come easier than I expected it to once we managed to set a date. And don't get me wrong, some of the compromises have been difficult, but it turns out that hasn't been the hardest part.The most difficult thing to deal with so far has been the fear. Okay, now how many of you thought I was having second thoughts, cold feet? (Raise your hands, don't be shy now.) And how many thought I was having trouble with my future mother-in-law? And how many thought I was afraid that "my perfect day" would be ruined? Have we covered all of the guesses? Well, they're all wrong (and if you guessed #2, you clearly have not met Mama in real life). I'm afraid of something that I think many brides-to-be fear in this day and age. I'm afraid of being labeled a "Bridezilla". You know what I'm talking about: the girl who pitches a fit because her one of her eight bridesmaids in perfectly matched raw umber tafetta gowns has her nails painted cerulean instead of chartreuse. Bridezilla shrieks at her best friend, and then at her groom when he tries to calm her down. She follows that up by throwing the cake at her wedding planner and setting the puce tulle hangings on fire with a single breath before tucking the groom's mum under one arm and trying to climb the rose-encrusted trellis. (To be honest I'm not entirely certain what colors raw umber, cerulean and chartreuse are much less what taffeta is. A quick Internet search reveals them to be a gross tan color, a pretty light blue and chilly greenish yellow, respectively. A separate search says that taffeta is a "lustrous, medium weight, plain weave fabric with a slight ribbed appearance. It provides a crisp hand, with lots of body. Silk taffeta gives the ultimate rustle." (rustle?) Does anyone else find this description a little dirty? A-hem, back to the topic.) I'm afraid of people whispering about me behind their hands, as I've seen happen with other brides even during the wedding. I've seen disgruntled friends who think the bride is marrying below her potential. I've heard angry friends who think the groom isn't represented in the wedding at all. I've seen the brides that make the bridesmaids wear the most disgusting dress possible so as not to be outshone. I've known brides who made their maids pay outlandish prices for poorly made dresses. I've seen wedding where all of the "people of honor" are left out entirely apart from the actual physical part of standing up for their friend. I've seen people place bets at the wedding on how long (or short, rather) it will be until the divorce. I've heard the MANY complaints, "all she talks about is the wedding. Can't she talk about anything else?" or griping that the meal wasn't worth the price of their gift. I've seen and heard every kind of horribleness, everything that you don't want to have associated with such a happy day. Well, I don't want any of it. I have at least three people that I've begged to tell me if I'm doing anything crazy before the wedding. I try to avoid talking about wedding stuff especially around the more sensitive of my single friends. I was pretty open with bridemaid dress shopping (I think) and everyone seems to have found a dress that they are happy with for $80 or less CDN. I agonize over every decision: did I hurt someone's feelings or pocket book or did I leave someone out? But I'm being so damned hyper-conscious of it all that I'm not really having any fun. Okay, so I am a bit of a control freak, but people who know me should be aware of that already. Yes, I have multiple spreadsheets. Yes, I want to plan what music gets played. And yes, when you ask what's new I will tell you about new wedding stuff because that's what's on my mind right now. It may not be the most significant day ever in my life but it will be the most significant day in my life to date. It's important to me, and so are my friends so I want to share it with them. I don't want to have to feel guilty every time I mention it! While it is partly luck that I will be marrying this wonderful man, it's also hard work to have gotten to where we are now. A year and a half ago our relationship almost ended but we've talked and worked and cried and laughed and struggled and here we are, ready to promise to the world that we will be forever. I feel like we're trying to climb Mount Everest (or the Empire State Building) and we're so close to the summit, but every so often I have to take a huge detour because someone feels a little threatened, or a little slighted, or I think that they might potentially feel this way. It's hard work avoiding the Bridezilla label that is tossed about so freely these days. Watch where you use it or you might find out what a Bridezilla really does. I just might dress you in a tulle tutu, send you down the aisle with a single white lily to carry for defense, then go outside to stomp your car flat. 2004-12-9 || 11:43 p.m. |
