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Air On A G-string Somehow it is suddenly 7 months (and counting) to our wedding. There is so much to do and it seems like we have accomplished so little.THE OFFICIANT We have found an officiant. Since Bear wanted to be married by a priest and I wanted to be married by a friend, the only solution was to be married by Father D who is a friend from Wammick that also happens to be a catholic priest. THE CURCH We had planned on getting a friend of Bear�s family to cater. Planning proceeded nicely until we realized that the priest and the caterer were not both available on the same day. Much angst and debate followed until we discovered that the caterer was actually not available on any of the days that Father D was. Fine, we now have no caterer and he can come to the wedding instead. It came down to choosing the date by selecting the ceremony location. I had always hoped to be married outside but with a priest officiating, the only permissible location was a church. We deliberated between the small church on campus that we attend regularly and the church that Bear�s family attends. All signs pointed toward the tiny and homey campus church until we realized that with the people we wanted to invite and the people our families wanted to invite, we couldn�t be sure that we would fit in the tiny church. Done. We now have an officiant, a church and a date. This also determined many other factors. In the church the music is restricted, every reading must be from the Bible and every reader must believe in what they will be reading (this is kind of a given, I suppose). Well, there go all of my plans out the window, back to the drawing board. THE KEY PLAYERS Throughout this chaos, we are starting to decide on the key players. Bear has always known that Bean will be his best man, and that Squint will be a groomsman, add Roscoe and Africa (yes, she will be a groomsmaid) to the list and he is set, all he needs to do is actually ASK his best man. I found the situation a little more difficult. Arat was a given � we�ve been friends since twelfth grade, been through university, changing programs and more than one boyfriend on my part in the years in between. Our visits have gotten farther apart but our phone calls have stayed constant. Kristus was an easy choice too, I�ve known her for years and we have so much in common: choir, cooking, photo addictions, scrap booking, folk fest, campus work�the list goes on and on. I see her almost every week, often several times a week, and I know how dependable she is. The next two choices were a little more difficult for me. Pug is like a sister to me. We don�t talk very often but as soon as we get together, it�s like we�ve never been apart. There�s no discomfort and no need for explanations; she always knows right away what I�m trying to say. She gets me like no one else (besides my sister) gets me. Unfortunately, she�s also incredibly busy and some times unreliable. She has such a habit of canceling on me that I sometimes make backup plans. I�ve been disappointed so many times before that I wasn�t sure I wanted to risk it on something as big as my wedding, but I have a hard time imagining my wedding without her. Sailor was my next choice, a more unusual one. For one, he�s male. Yes, a bridesman, a malemaid, a manmaid, whatever. Secondly, he�s my ex-boyfriend of 5 years that many people thought I would marry (and after 5 years, who wouldn�t?) Our breakup was awful but it didn�t have any elements that would make friendship impossible. We broke up because there was someone out in the world that is a better match for each of us than each other, someone that would be happier with than we were together. Our relationship was comfortable but it had stagnated beyond revival. After a year apart, we began to rebuild our friendship and I�ve never had a moment�s regret. He is a wonderful person that has been a strong support for me, and I have for him. Each of them will be bridesmaids; I cannot choose one over the others, and so I am not having a maid of honor. I knew I wanted my sister in the wedding party but we�ve chosen a different role for her. She will be a ring bearer, along with Bear�s niece Ceili. She will get to carry a fun pillow down the aisle, make sure Ceili gets there (Ceili will be almost 3 by then). She will sign the register, fulfilling a maid of honor role, without being burdened with the title and the normal bridesmaidy responsibilities. I think I may call her my �ringbearer of honor.� THE DRESS A couple of months ago I went dress shopping with Smacked so that she could try on a bunch of dresses before buying hers the next day. Kristus and Sab came along. When we got to the mall the store that we wanted to go to was closed, so we went into the scary snooty store instead since time was limited. I figured what the heck; I�ll try on a few dresses while I�m there (I'm sure you can see where this is headed). We were going through the racks and Kristus pulled out a dress, hopped up and down, looked at me, hopped up and down, looked at the dress and told me to try it on. A few minutes later the saleslady came over, pulled that same dress out and told me to give it a try. I couldn�t wait to put it on but I restrained myself and tried a few others first. Finally it was time and I put it on. I loved it! I even hopped up and down a bit on my fractured ankle (I stopped quickly though because it hurt, I switched to healthy foot hopping only.) Everyone else liked it on me too. I tried on the next dress and gave opinions on Smacked�s dresses. Then Smacked askedif I wanted to put THE dress on again. I sure did! I shimmied into it, climbed up on the pedestal thing and then the girls set about convincing me that it was okay to buy a dress even if I didn�t go dress shopping with all of the people I had intended to, and that it was okay to buy it so early. I borrowed a cell phone and called Bear, still in the dress and up on the pedestal. I told him the entire story, including all of the hopping up and down. He said, �Well, I think you have your answer�and stop jumping on that foot.� I took the dress off so that I could go outside the store and think more rationally about it. I almost cried leaving the dress hanging by the dressing room (when did I become such a girl?). I sat impatiently outside the store for less than 10 minutes before I was back inside putting down a deposit. I lucked out that the dress I fell in love with was well under our budget and on sale for 10% off. It should fall under our budget even with fairly massive alterations. (Those that are on my notify list got to see the dress, aren't you jealous?) THE STATE OF MY MIND One thing I've been doing fairly consistently is reading wedding planning books before bed (which leads to some pretty messed up dreams). Some of them are purely awful: "MY wedding was like this, so you should use MY service/shop/stationary."; not quite a wedding planning book but a sad, sad woman blowing her own sour horn. Some were hilarious and practical. I particularly recommend "The couple's wedding survival manual: how to tie the knot without coming unraveled", which Bear also read, and "The essential guide to lesbian and gay weddings" (even though we�re neither). Some were just hilarious without trying to be. One book warned me that I didn't "want to get gazunked a week before my wedding" and that I should seriously consider "Air on a g-string" for the processional. I figure that if there's air on the g-string when I'm walking in then everyone will see my butt. No thank you! And what business is it of theirs if I get gazunked a week before my wedding? That's my business, thank you very much. I�ve immersed myself in searching for reception locations, cheap favors, anything appropriate for us. I think that in part my obsession is caused by the imbalance I�m feeling in our planning so far. By conceding on the issue of religious vs. civil ceremony, I feel like I have ceded all control and involvement in the ceremony. It�s in his hometown, at his church, with his readings and his friends and family reading them, and only religious songs are allowed (thankfully we have a beautiful repertoire from choir). It�s hard to prevent myself from resenting this. I know how important it is to him to have the ceremony performed by a priest; the marriage just wouldn�t feel real to him otherwise, and that would just be unacceptable. He even asked Father D about a beautiful alternate location (with far less restrictions), but unfortunately it was just not possible. I�m just worried about being uncomfortable at my own wedding, and my family being uncomfortable too. I suppose this is just something I'll have to work through in my mind. What I�ve learned so far about weddings is that it�s all about your ability to communicate and compromise. You need to determine what is absolutely necessary, what can be lived with, and then move together until you find an area of overlap that still falls within your budget. The best method for me seems to be focusing on why I want to be married to Bear and reminding myself that the wedding is only one day when I plan on having a whole lot of fun with my friends while the marriage is the important part. 2004-11-10 || 9:37 a.m. |
