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The Church of Cheese Please note that I wrote this last week and in my stress-induced state I forgot to actually post it. I promise an update soon.WTF? I just received the following email: �Become a legally ordained minister within 48 hours As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church Perform Weddings, Funerals, Perform Baptisms, Visit Correctional Facilities Want to start your own church? Press here to find out how� First of all: Visit Correctional Facilities? That�s one of the perks of becoming a minister! Well now I know what I want to be when I grow up! Secondly: What? I can start my own church? The Church of Canoegirl..no wait, better yet�The Church of Cheese.mmmmm�. Praying to Gouda, stay away from the sins of the Edam. In heaven the clouds are made of cream cheese, no one would ever be lactose intolerant, no risk of heart attack and there would be all-day all-you-can-eat cheese buffets. Hell is primarily pineapple-based, all of the food is spicy and the only available cheese is Jalepeno Jack. For communion, mini-cheese wheels washed down with a delicate cheese sauce. The seven mortal sins: Limburger, Jalepeno Jack, Swiss, Pineapple Cream Cheese, Cheese Whiz, Spray Cheese, and Head Cheese (for sullying the fair name of cheeses everywhere � cheeses of the world unite!). The seven heavenly virtues: Havarti, Colby, Gruyere, Provolone, Asiago, Parmesan, and good old Cheddar. Mmmmmm�Havaaaaaaarti�.
Incidentally if you�re a cheesefreak, go and visit www.cheese.com, they have 652 cheeses (including Laughing Cow Light) to choose from and then if you have $2,387 dollars lying around you can buy a Cheese connoisseur�s 80 pound cheese wheel, just for kicks. ------ In my quest to lose weight and become more healthy I have sworn off most cheeses. The deal was that if I lost a pound per week I could keep my cheeses, if not � no cheese. I have only lost 6 pounds since January so the cheeses are gone I�ve been pretty good so far. I succumbed to the lure of BP�s Bandera Bread last Monday night (to-die-for cheesy concoction), but otherwise I have been fairly well behaved. Even when we went to Yanni�s I had the Chicken Souvlaki instead of the flaming cheese. Good Canoegirl, back away from the cheese, good�. So I miss cheese, so what? It�s in the name of health (never mind my mental health). ------ In other news, it appears that you�re not safe anywhere these days. A student in one of our libraries was stabbed earlier this week. Apparently 3 �suspects� beat him with batons and then stabbed him. He decided that the best course of action was to run across campus to the Student�s Union Building to Health Services with a knife wound in his torso. Again, WTF? Run to Health Services? A word of advice: if you are ever stabbed just call an ambulance and go to the hospital. This has personally been an annoyance for me because the library has since been closed off for the investigation. I am working on a project for my class that is worth 30% of my grade, is due on Wednesday, and the campus Science library is closed. Excellent. The students in my class have complained but no extension will be granted. How much does that suck? Write a paper and reference it, but don�t even think about using the library. Buggers. Bear has been amazing through this entire ordeal (namely the most difficult assignment of my post-secondary career). He�s had to deal with daily breakdowns, frantic phonecalls, and freakouts. He�s helped me research, driven me places, calmed me down and even baked me chocolate chip cookies. Who in their right mind (or otherwise) wouldn�t love him? ------ Also, Bear was laid off at the end of January. He worked for the city and there was apparently no room in the budget for continued computer support so they laid-off 8 techs. He has been applying for jobs and even had an interview in Lac La Biche (henceforth known as Lac La Bitche (pronounced Bitchy) because Bear can�t spell). A posting just closed for a job back with the city and everyone I know wants him to get it, including his previous supervisors. I�m trying not to get my hopes up, or his. He�s suffering from a string of bad luck right now and I�m worried that it will continue. Bad things come in threes and he�s had two of three, his life is starting to sound like a bad country song. It�s a good thing he doesn�t have a dog and I�m not in any way attracted to his best friend. If he doesn�t get a job here fairly soon he�ll have to start looking outside of Alberta. Shockingly I don�t really want him to move away, especially now that things are going so well between us. It�s always something. You just get one area of your life to be stable and an avalanche starts in another area. It never ends and you can never get ahead. Anyways, keep your fingers crossed that Bear gets a good permanent job here, or at least the temporary job with the city. Thanks all! 2004-03-24 || 5:19 p.m. |
